Attention!

Air New Zealand, crippled with the problem of how to make passengers pay attention to its safety messages, have stripped its crew of clothing and painted uniforms on their naked bodies:



Safety messages within this video are steamrolled by an animal desire to see the penis, the breasts, a tuft of hair, anything. The props of safety like the life-jacket shield the breasts and the audience from what it wants, like panties in a porno. The airline is playing a tease on its captive passenger audience, presenting them with a kind of 'emperor' with no clothes scenario, turning us all into paying perverts.

It's compulsory viewing, you're requested to look "even if you travel with us frequently". Screens are dotted rhythmically down the aircraft, the lights are dimmed and music pumps though the cabin. The passengers eyes glaze over as a parallel reality flickers to life, a naughty dream, a private fantasy. Naked shoulders, men's nipples and breasts, womens curvy upper chests, smooth upper thighs - something about a seat-belt, low around the hips. The video somehow eroticises even the tray table, the arm rest, the strip-lighting along the floor. It portrays the aeroplane as empty apart from the in-flight crew smiling, laughing, showing different positions, saying something.

You wake up! "Your crew are now pointing out your exits", it's finishing, it's over, a painted-on uniform bum walks away down the aisle to the back of the aircraft, leaving us. The overcrowded airplane swarms back into the passenger's consciousness, we're all piled on top of each other like a ticketed orgy, and the girl with the painted bum has gone.